1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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