Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
