do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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