someone threw a dead crab at me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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