Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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