Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
