he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
