If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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