theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
