yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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