i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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