we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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