Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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