Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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