You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
