wakey wakey hands off snakey
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
