walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
