That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
