We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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