franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
