My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
