I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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