i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
