thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
