So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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