He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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