also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
