he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
