Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
