I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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