I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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