Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
