Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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