Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
