If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
