You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
