google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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