Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
