fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
