how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just had sex on a roof
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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