I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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