he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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