I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
