I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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