Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
