I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
