I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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