you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
