Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
