It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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