just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
