I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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