I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
